Fall = Cuddling and Footed Pajamas

We've enjoyed the cool weather with regular evening walks and cuddling together under a blanket while rocking on the deck.   

 We're also able to break out the footed pajamas now that the nights are chilly.  Who doesn't love a "gigglesaurus" with tiny dinosaur feet?!

Jesse, Jackson, and I have spent the last few nights cuddled together in one anothers arms.  Life doesn't get much better than that!

Surviving Fatherhood (Guest Blogger: Jesse)

I have been looking for opportunities to work for months now. Of course I wish I could stay at home every weekend and weeknight without having to worry about money, but that isn't reality! Thankfully, a couple of opportunities have opened up for me. First, I was asked to watch our friends' son Connor starting in January. We are so excited to be able to help each other out and for the boys to spend time together next year.

The second opportunity starts out with yet another job interview. I have done about a dozen interviews for teaching jobs the past few years and have had four job interviews this summer for various opportunities. However, I had never had a group job interview until last week. Last Monday I applied for jobs with Babies "R" Us and Toys "R" Us. Both stores called me back to set up interviews, but Babies "R" Us was first. The human resources associate informed me to show up for the group interview on Wednesday afternoon.

Having Googled the group interview process for Babies "R" Us, I knew what to expect and did not look forward to it. Our group of five interviewees went through these steps:

1. We assembled a block puzzle. My partners and I had a picture of a duck.
2. We were asked to pick any item from a particular department and discuss its merits to the interviewer. I was given the apparel department. How much can I say about onesies and socks?
3. We had to dismantle and assemble a Pack 'n' Play. I had never done this without cussing a blue streak, but made it through during the interview.
4. We interviewed another one of the interviewees and sold that person to the interviewer.
5. Finally, we had a one-on-one interview with the manager. He called me back first and only asked if I could work during the day for one week. I was feeling pretty confident after this.

Here is a visual approximation of the group interview:

Apparently everything went well and I was called later that evening with a job offer. I will be helping to set up a pop-up Babies "R" Us store in Concord Mills next week. After that, I'll be able to work some weeknights and weekends to help supplement our family's income. I am so happy for this opportunity and am eager to get started!

Coincidentally, I received my first copy of "Working Mother" in the mail today and started to pick up some tips:

On top of all this, Jackson and I have gotten our routine down pretty well during the days. The first couple of weeks Bonnie was at work, Jackson suffered some separation anxiety, but we are getting along well now. We strictly follow the E.A.S.Y. routine. That keeps both of us from getting fussy or agitated during the day.

In conclusion, life is good and love is plentiful here at the Harwood-Robinson household.

Formula Update

It's been a week now since we introduced formula.  Jackson loves it and all are happy.  My cycle has returned again and I have officially dried up.  I pumped twice on Thursday and got a quarter of an ounce.  I thought I would be upset, but honestly it's nice to have full control of my body again.  Don't get me wrong, I would still prefer nursing if I was successful and it satisfied my son but I'm really enjoying the stressfree feedings..

My only complaints are the expense, smell of poopy diapers, and amount of bottles to wash. 

Jackson and I are still able to cuddle and enjoy feeding sessions.  During the day Jesse gives him a 6-oz bottle around 8, 10, 1, 4, and 7:30.  (A 6-oz bottle is really 7 ounces once you add three scoops of formula.)  Jack generally wakes up once in the middle of the night and takes a 4 ounce bottle. He will continue to receive one 4-oz bottle of breastmilk until next week, when we deplete our frozen milk stash and he turns six months old.

I am awfully curious to see how much weight he's gained.  He is definitely eating a lot more than he was.  I also think he's starting to fill out again just in the last week.  His face is rounder and he's adding another chin.
 

His 6 month check is scheduled at a pediatrician's office on Monday, October 10.  Time will tell.

♥ October ♥

Our morning began with a trip to the car dealership to get my car inspected.  My tag and registration expired yesterday, but I've kept putting off getting my car inspected.  Jackson and I enjoyed a leisurely stroll and breakfast at Bojangles while waiting on my car.  Jackson and I had what could have been a serious fall while getting back into my car.  I had him on my hip while I used my foot to close the latch on the umbrella stroller.  I ended up closing my foot into the latch, slicing my toe and causing Jackson and I to crash to the ground.  Thankfully the car door caught my fall and he landed on the passenger seat before I hit the pavement.  I don't know what the hell I would have done otherwise, but thankfully we were both fine.
 

While Jackson and I were out and about, Jesse mowed the lawn.  This took him several hours because it had been over a month since he last cut the grass and the it had grown nearly a foot.

Jackson is working on his second tooth now.  I finally got a good picture of his first tooth and you can already see the second one peaking through.

It was a gorgeous fall day with cool breezes.  After our lasagna dinner, Jesse, Jackson, and I took a walk around the neighborhood.  Jesse and I are really enjoying one anothers company again and not taking each other for granted. 

Jackson was too cute in his tiny fleece jacket. 

Seriously, have I mentioned how cute he is?

After our walk and Jeopardy, we gave Jackson a long overdue bath.  He's really too big for our infant bath.  He just splashes around and grabs everything nearby.  I don't know if there's anything to transition him into or if we are just supposed to take a bath with him in the regular bathtub when he officially grows out of it.

After his bath Jackson got into his new favorite pretzel position.

Jackson is asleep in the crib and Jesse and I are watching 127 Hours.    Despite a rocky start, I'd call it a successful Saturday!

Fantastic Friday

It's been a great day all around.  Jackson discovered himself in the exersaucer mirror and has a new source of entertainment.

I was really proud of my literacy class for completing their third novel this month.  Granted, each novel has only been 85-100 pages, but I'm certain this is more than any of my students read this summer.  Each literature circle group completed a cool castle project/story map today on The Whipping Boy.  I displayed the best student work from A Taste of Blackberries and The Whipping Boy on the hallway bulletin board. 

Because I had made plans to go out with my former fifth grade team tonight, Jesse and Jackson came for lunch, recess, and social studies.  I love being able to show off my favorite boys to my students and coworkers.

After dismissal I worked on next week's lesson plans until I left to meet my teammates for dinner.  We ate uptown on the outdoor patio at Brixx.  It was a perfect, chilly night with busy streets, lights, and laughter.  Our monthly meet-ups are always an adventure.  Last month we ended up unknowingly joining a gay pride festival.  The time before that we spent nearly an hour trying to find my car in the parking deck.  Tonight a random man wearing only a hospital gown harassed us.  I wanted to get a martini since I can drink all the liquor I want now that I am no longer breastfeeding.  I elected not to order one because I didn't think it would be worth the $8 cost.  The best part of the evening was realizing that we are all very competent, effective teachers who are struggling to adapt to our new schools.  It's so nice to have someone who can really relate.

Jesse said Jackson was so tired that he fell asleep while watching Jeopardy, then passed out in the pack-n-play while Jesse made him a bottle.  Jesse still ended up swaddling him so Jack would stay asleep.

Now I am home eating Moose Tracks on the couch.  I have a DVR full of Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Glee.  I love, love, love the weekend!!

Seven Stages of Grief

It's no secret the last two months have been HARD on our family.  I've never been good at transitions, but the challenges of going back to work, spending such little time with my son, struggling with new schedules and procedures, sitting in bumper to bumper traffic each day, worrying over finances, and feeling like an inadequate mother, teacher, and wife have all been too much to handle. 

One of the toughest things for me to deal with has been breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding has been an emotional roller coaster full of highs and lows since day one...but the ride is officially over.  Below is my emotional journey regarding the topic over the last two months:

1. Shock and Denial
It began with Jackson's 4 month check.  I thought for sure he would be well over 15 lbs.  I couldn't believe the scale when he weighed in at 14 lbs, 4 oz--a mere 1.5 lb gain from his 2 month check.  I questioned the numbers, but reassured myself everything would be fine.  I did not worry too much, even though I was unable to pump enough milk to freeze.  I still did not worry when I stopped being able to pump enough for Jackson to eat during the day.  I made excuses that it was stress at work, starting my cycle again, an inefficient pump, lack of privacy while pumping, or teething.  I still thought my supply would bounce back.

2. Pain and Guilt
The pain and guilt at realizing I'm not providing for my child occurred the Sunday Jackson got so sick and we took him to Urgent Care.  The tears began streaming down my face as soon as I saw the scale read 14 lbs, 9 oz.  I was flooded with guilt for not recognizing my own inadequacies and for denying my son a full belly.  

3. Anger
I have been furious and questioned many things around me.

• What is wrong with the body God designed for me? 
• Why is my body failing me? 
• Why can't I provide for my son's most basic needs? 
• Why can other moms breastfeed exclusively for two years, and I can't make it to the six month mark? 
• Why does everyone continue to ask me a never ending list of questions ("Have you tried Fenugreek?  Are you getting enough water?  How often are you pumping?") as if I can control my body?
• Why do people make apologetic comments and look at me with pity as if I have done something shameful?
• Why do I feel guilty for using formula?
• Why is formula so damn expensive?  (Cost was a huge motivation for me when dealing with cracked, bleeding nipples and thrush in the beginning.)

4. Depression
Many additional factors led to my depression.  I continued to cry every morning while driving to work.  The onset of anxiety attacks causing hyperventilation led me to make an appointment with a doctor.  It has been two weeks now since beginning Zoloft and I am able to notice a big difference.  (FYI, Jesse has been on anti-depressants for a full month.  Our household is MUCH more relaxed and we are all able to enjoy our time with another again.)

5. Upward Turn
I adjusted to the fact that my body was not providing for my son and formula was the only logical solution.  The phrase "breast is best" is so ingrained in my mind that it took me quite some time to realize that feeding my child formula was better than putting my child to bed hungry.  It also took some time for the medication to kick in.

6. Reconstruction
Jesse and I did a bit of research and determined that Sam's Club is the best value.  Jesse purchased a Sam's membership and the three of us went out after our Friday date night to purchase our first container of formula.  We mixed one scoop of formula with three ounces of breastmilk for Jackson's first time.

7. Acceptance and Hope

I am currently pumping both sides twice a day and getting a grand total of 2 ounces.  I no longer breastfeed Jackson and I will stop pumping very soon.  Jackson will receive two bottles of breastmilk each day until he turns six months old, at which point there will be no more breastmilk in the freezer.  I find great satisfaction in snuggling with my baby and giving him a warm, full bottle of formula before he goes to bed.  He no longer cries after feedings.  I pray he is gaining weight appropriately. 

This is not the way I would have planned things, but I am still blessed with the happiest baby in the world, which makes me the happiest mommy in the world!

Halloween Teaser

Last night Jesse, Jackson, and I went to a strange Egyptian/American restaurant.  We had falafel sandwiches as an appetizer.  We left Jackson in the stroller most of the time but took him out after we finished eating.  He kept trying to steal my drink and grab everything off the table.

This morning I randomly gave Jackson a sippy cup with water for the first time just to play with while I unloaded the dishwasher.  He amused himself and surprised himself when he accidentally drank some of the water.

Jesse and I amused oursevles by dressing Jackson up in his Halloween costumes.  I bought a duck costume from K-Mart for $2 when I was in college and Jesse's mom bought us the dinosaur costume when I was pregnant.  Even though Halloween is over a month away, we wanted to see if either costume fit.  Both were cute, but I prefer the duck.

Even though my school was open all day today, I chose to stay home and worked while Jackson napped.  It has been a very relaxing Saturday with my two favorite boys!