Hormones Again?--Friday, May 6

I should start off by saying Jackson and I slept a grand total of 3 hours last night, which were not consecutive of course.  He is so loud.  I think it's adorable during the day and incredibly frustrating at night.  He's been doing so well with nights, but the past two nights he just fights sleep.  It was by far my worst night.  I felt completely irrational and out of control.  I was genuinely angry at Jackson that he wouldn't latch right away and that he wouldn't fall asleep.  I was patient most of the night, but by 4 a.m. I had only slept an hour and I was so exhausted.  I was surprised and upset with how angry I was and how much I didn't want to be a mom last night.  Or at least I wanted Jesse to take care of him so I could sleep.

We are celebrating my niece's 4th birthday this evening and it somehow became my job to make a pink and purple butterfly cake for her.  If there's one thing I've learned in the past month, it's that there is almost a guarantee that I will be interrupted at least 5 times in even the most simple task.  I could never watch a movie or TV show with my sister because she paused it so many times to tend to her kids that I lost interest in the show by the time we resumed watching.  Now I totally understand!!  I wanted to get an early start on this cake since I had no clue what I was planning on doing.  Jackson and I were at Harris Teeter by 9 a.m. buying eggs, then A.C. Moore to get pink and purple sugar.  He was awake and happy the whole trip.

Once we got back, I fed Jackson and watched some morning talk show.  They had all these clips of celebrities talking about their moms.  I don't know why exactly, but I totally lost it...ugly tears, hyperventilating, the whole works.  I am  just mad at the universe that Mom didn't get to meet Jackson.  She got to see my other four brothers and sisters have children, but not me.  And Mom stayed at home with all of us so I would have loved to ask her questions and advice.  I am blessed to have amazing sisters, but it is not quite the same.  You would think I would be happy to celebrate Mother's Day this year since I actually am a mother now, but I'm just bitter and disappointed that I can't share it with my mother and child.

I found a Betty Crocker demo video online that made this butterfly cake look super easy, but it was impossible to frost because you cut the cake into pieces and the crumbs just fall apart.  Things just started to cascade downhill.  After lots of cursing, flour and powdered sugar all over my clothes, and purple dye on the counter, I was able to semi-successfully make the butterfly cake and cookies.  I thought it would be more fun for the kids to decorate their own cookies so I bought some cheap icing and left the cookies plain.

Jesse got home at 4 p.m. and we needed to leave by 5 o'clock.  In that hour I wrapped the birthday present, pumped and prepared a bottle, packed the diaper bag, started the blog, loaded the dishwasher, covered the cake and cookies, fed Jackson, and folded and put away all of Jackson's clothes, towels, and burp cloths.  As expected, we collided with rush hour traffic and it took over an hour to drive to my brother's house.  We enjoyed passing around the nieces and nephews, eating, and celebrating.  My family was amused at Jesse's quick thinking to keep the milk cool.  I don't even know where we got that koozie from, but it worked:

I do have to share one final story from the day.  I was asking both of my sister's how long it took for their skin to tighten back up or if my skin would permanently sag.  They both informed me that it would likely never be the same as before pregnancy, but it should continue to tighten for the next month or two.  They also assured me it doesn't get any worse with subsequent pregnancies (unless I had twins) and my skin was already stretched as much as it ever would.  My sister-in-law came by and my sister asked her about tightening back up.  My SIL proceeded to elaborate on and on about how her husband (our brother) never complained but she told me to make sure I do my kagels.  Ummm...no one was talking about that part of the body, but thanks!  Though we are all close, we don't tend to discuss sex, especially involving our brother!  We died laughing at the misunderstanding. 

Yet another day full of random sobbing, anger, love, laughter, and awe.  How much longer, hormones?