Thoughts While I'm Running

Now that my long runs are over an hour long, I find myself with a lot of time to think. Here's a peak into my very moody inner dialogue. (Warning: My inner voice swears a lot!)

7:20 a.m. This. Is. Glorious. I'm running! I'm doing it. I'm a runner. It feels AMAZING outside. My body was made to run at 60 degrees. I can't believe I started this training when it was 97 degrees out. What was I thinking? This is what running should feel like.

7:27 I'm slowing down. Still making good time. I feel good. This is good.

7:29 Must stop. Why do I never remember how to breathe? In through mouth and out through nose? In through nose and out through mouth?

7:32 What is this person saying? Are they seriously talking to me?  Hello...I'm wearing headphones. I can't hear you.

7:33 One mile down. Okay, not terrible. Feeling good. I feel like Dori on Finding Nemo. Just keep running. Just keep running.

7:35 Damn you, Pandora. Why is Frozen playing on my Pitch Perfect station? No. Just no.

7:38 Here comes the gravel. Please don't fall off the embankment. This looks just like the mountains. I should take Jackson here to go rock hopping.

7:39 I can't believe I'm going back to work next year. I've got to get my resume together. I'll have to start looking at positions after Christmas. Wonder if I should look at charter schools. I should teach somewhere that I want Jackson to attend. Yeah, charter could be good. How does that work with a lottery? When do I apply? Must research this.

7:46 Oh, hello, bunny rabbit! Run along now.

7:49 Two miles. Last mile was 16 minutes? Shit! What am I doing? Wait, did I ever even run? I hate running on rocks. Okay. Let's go, let's go.

7:52 Here comes the pack (Marathon training group). Look at them smiling as they sprint past with their fuel belts, giving their dismissive waves at me. How can anyone enjoy running so much? Hell, I should have just paid the money and joined them. I want to be them.

7:54 They're coming from both directions with their neon shirts. Try to keep up. Just keep running. Crossing the road now. Oh, thank you, God, for pavement. They're all drinking water from their little coolers. I could go for some water. Should I run with a water bottle? I did that my last half. Got to investigate that.

7:56 I can't believe how much technology has changed in the past few years. Five years ago people ran with iPod minis. I never saw anyone running with a smartphone on their arm. We didn't use apps and post screenshots on Instagram after we were finished.

7:58 Look at all these running buddies. I wonder if they were friends that signed up for the training program together or they just met through the group. They sure do talk a lot. It must make the time go by faster. Hold each other accountable. Motivate one another. I need a running buddy.

8:00 My lungs are about to explode. I can't stop in the middle of the pack. This is what it's going to be like on race day. So many people. This is good practice. Makes me want to run more.

8:01 F--- this. Must walk. Going to die.

8:02 Three miles. Another 13 minute mile. Okay, that's better. Half way finished. I can do this!

8:03 This is the third person that's shouted "Great job!" These people are so peppy. Or maybe I just look like I really need encouraging.

8:05 I am not a runner. A half marathon is a ridiculous goal. Why did I think this would be a good goal? I can just walk. I'm an excellent walker. No, I don't have time to walk 13 miles. That would take forever. Cutoff time is 3 hours. Got to run again.

8:08 I love this song! It is weird to fist pump while walking?

8:12 Hmm, I've been walking a long time. F--- it. Walking is still great exercise.

8:18 Four miles. 2/3 the way finished. Another 16 minute mile. Eh. It is what it is.

8:20 Just me again. Even the slowest marathoners have left me in their dust. Literally. Back on the gravel trails.

8:21 Enough with the pity party. I am strong. God gave me a body that is capable of running. Time to use it.

8:21 I wonder what other people do while they're running by themselves. I wish I was reading. I can't wait to finish Dark Places. Did Ben murder his family? How sick would that be to kill your own siblings? Surely he didn't. It's always the lesser obvious choice in mystery thrillers.

8:26  Seriously, though...what do people do when they run by themselves? Maybe I could find a good audio book. Last week I tried praying and listening to Christian music. That didn't work as well as I'd hoped. Too distracted. Too scattered. I could never be a monk. Or like in Eat, Pray, Love when she meditates for hours. Nope. No focus here.

8:30  I wonder if the kids are up yet. They're probably sleeping in. They always sleep in when I'm gone, but are up crying at 6:30 during the week. Hopefully Jesse got to sleep in. He gets up so much earlier than I do every other day.

8:33 Five miles. 5/6. 83%. I love fractions. Maybe I could just teach math. But my Masters' and National Boards are both in reading. Of course I'll be hired for reading. I guess I can only get hired in a subject that I apply for.

8:34 My blisters are back. I think my left foot might rip open. It's got to be bleeding.

8:35 Am I limping. Don't do this. You're almost finished, BK. Just suck it up.

8:36 My brain feels foggy. I wish I could eat breakfast before I run. Need to buy some energy gel. Should have taken some a half hour ago. Just don't pass out on the greenway.

8:38 Maybe I can run on the outside of my feet. This is ridiculous. I am 29 years old. I should be able to run six miles without falling apart. I need to just go back to Run for Your Life and see what they advise. I've got to be doing something wrong. Wrong shoes? Wrong form? This can't be right.

8:40 Is that one of the church ladies walking her dog? Must start running again. They know I'm training.

8:43 Oh, this is a big damn hill. I should park somewhere else so I don't have to end every run up this mountain.

8:46 Finish strong. Jog it up. Here we go.

8: 48 Six miles. I'm alive. I made it. Must take socks and shoes off right this second.

8:50 It feels so, so good to stretch. I feel great. Another 6 miles in the books. Blood is pumping through my body. I could totally run every day.