How to Have a Terrible Morning

You, too, can have a crappy morning if you follow these simple steps. For best results, complete all steps twenty minutes before departure time.

1. Remember at the last minute that it's Picture Day for your preschooler. Realize the only clean dress shirt is terribly wrinkled. Toss shirt in the dryer with a wet washcloth.

2. Literally chase and wrestle your two year old daughter to the ground just to change her diaper.

3. After all kids are dressed (minus a shirtless preschooler), finally get yourself dressed. Sit down on the couch, only to discover you are sitting in maple syrup that your two year old son has apparently poured all over the couch. Change clothes and clean the couch.

4. Clean up breakfast, pack bookbag, and load everyone in the van. Open the garage door. Discover that the inside cat just ran outside. Chase cat back into the house.

5. Open the cupboard to return pacifiers. (Must be done with toddlers out of sight or they will cry incessantly for them.) As soon as you open the cupboard, dodge poorly placed bowls that come crashing down, shattering all over the kitchen floor. Grab the broom while glass shards pierce through your cheap flip flops and into the soles of your feet. Take picture to show husband the consequences of not stacking bowls after unloading the dishwasher. Quickly clean up.