"But You've Got to Have Friends"

I've had that song intermittently stuck in my head ever since Jackson watched the scene in Shrek where Donkey sang it to Shrek. I digress already...

One of my biggest fears about being a stay at home mom was that I would be isolated and never leave my home. I quickly learned how to navigate the town with four children in tote. I found free entertainment and bought the museum membership so I could offer fun activities for the kids. Still, I felt like all my friends were at work doing their own thing while I was alone with the kids, feeding geese for the 500th time.

It took a few months for me to get involved with a local mom's groups. Now that I spend every waking hour with the kids, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything with the kids by attending book club, bunco, dinner, or Bible study in the evenings. In fact, I'm really not missing anything since I rarely leave before I put the triplets to bed. 

People assume I never get out, but the surprising truth is that I am significantly more social now that I'm no longer working. When I first started teaching, I devoted all of my energy to teaching high-needs children and spending long hours preparing lessons. By the time my workday was over I wanted to crawl in a cave and ignore most everyone except Jesse. The only social group I had was my grad school study group. Once Jackson was born, Jesse and I worked opposite hours so we were essentially two single parents. Everything I did in the evenings and weekends, Jackson did with me. The following year I spent weeknights struggling to keep up with 70+ students in an even more challenging school.  Weekends were spent soaking up every second with Jesse and Jackson. My last year teaching I conceived the triplets, and spent the year in a completely exhausted state. My "social outings" were monthly National Board meetings.

In the past year as a SAHM, I've learned a few things about making friends as an adult:

1. It takes risks meeting new people 

2. Some moms can be extremely competitive and pretentious.

3. Social media is a great networking tool for moms, too. 

4. Being a mother of multiples or having a child in the same preschool is not a prerequisite to being friends. Those things are not enough common ground alone to form friendships.

5. Making friends outside of work requires much more intentional effort.

I've also learned that it is next to impossible to maintain friendships with people who aren't interested in children. Thankfully, most of my friends are teachers or mothers and happen to enjoy babies and toddlers. I look forward to monthly dinners with former teammates and catching up with old friends. It's a comfort to have reliable friends who not only care about me, but my whole family. Friends that have known me before I even had children.

Hope you don't mind me stealing your photo, Lucy!

Beautiful day to enjoy the skyline

I am so thankful for all the women in my life who have kept me grounded this past year, offered me advice, and made me laugh so hard I cried. I love having both old and new friends. When people ask, "How do you do it?" I think to myself:

• I ask my sisters for advice through constant texts or weekly visits.
• I post (sometimes hourly) on my Triplet Mama's Facebook group to figure out how to feed all three at the same time or what schedule I should follow.
• I meet up with CharlotteMommies friends to vent about Jackson's tantrums.
• I pray about challenges and joys with friends and church members.
• I receive support from old friends who live all over the world through intimate conversations.
• I have fun distractions and remember I'm more than just a mom while discussing books and playing games.

Bottom line...I am able to balance things with the love and support of some amazing friends!

What You've Missed

Money Saving Attempts Result in Headaches

• We switched phone services from AT&T to T-Mobile. This didn't save as much money as we thought because we ended up having to buy new phones through T-Mobile. Being without a phone for three days and the four different trips to T-Mobile could be a blog posit in itself, but my irritation has since calmed. The day after we bought new phones, I dropped mine and over half the screen formed a spiderweb of cracks.
• We cancelled our cable through Time Warner and bought a Roku so we could stream Netflix and Hulu. This is significantly cheaper than paying for cable. We won't be able to watch anything live, but we never did anyway. The "simple switch" required us to either buy a new upstairs TV or an HDMI converter because our television was so old the Roku could not connect to it. Jesse ended up finding a $20 tv on Craigslist that worked.
• The bottom line is we are still saving over $100 a month with these two changes and we've been able to upgrade phones and our TV upstairs. 

Fully Potty-Trained

• Through no effort from Jesse and I, Jackson no longer wears a pull-up at night. Jackson was potty-trained during the day since December. We had noticed that Jackson's pull-up has been dry for many weeks now. Jackson asked if he could wear underwear to bed. It's been over a week now and he hasn't had any accidents. He even woke up to pee at 4 a.m. one night and went back to bed.

Neurologist

• Maddie had her neuro follow up last Friday. When she first went to the neuro in March, she was 4-5 months behind. She is now only 2-3 months behind. The doctor was very pleased with her progress and commended us for spending so much time on Maddie's physical therapy exercises. 
• Despite progress, the neurologist could neither confirm nor rule out CP. Maddie still displays mixed muscle tone by tightening and extending her leg (even while crawling) but hyperextending her back and loosening her trunk. When we return at 15 months we hope Maddie is at least cruising around furniture; then walking at 18 months. She will likely schedule an MRI at 18 months.

Social Opportunities

• Lunch date at Firehouse Subs sans kids. 
• Our local mommies group started a Bunco group. (Technically, they resumed Bunco after taking several years off.) This Bunco group was significantly more alcohol friendly than others I've attended. I somehow became known as the OCD/Type A personality of the group because I've always played where there is one scorekeeper per table. They have each pair tally points. I met a lot of new moms (new to me, most of them had school-aged children). I encountered the typical gawking over the fact that I have triplets. 
• Jackson attended a birthday party at the park for one of his classmates. All but two of his classmates attended, as well as one of his teachers. It was so fun for the kids and moms to meet up in the summer. We exchanged numbers to meet up again this summer. All of the kids will move up to the same "3's class" in the fall. The triplets stayed home and Jackson was busy on the playground. It was a rare treat to actually converse with the moms beyond the few rushed minutes during drop off and pick up.

Memorial Day Weekend

Most of the events of Saturday blurred together. Amelia and I unintentionally tried to starve to death by spending two hours at Urgent Care to confirm an ear infection, taking an hour to deliver a cake, and waiting for yet another hour in race traffic and getting Amelia's prescription filled at WalMart. Thankfully Jesse cleaned the house while we were gone because we were expecting company just 15 minutes after I came home.

A few former coworkers and 3 month old came over for an overdue visit. I think the kids were a bit jealous curious of this baby intruder on their Daddy's lap.

I made taco dip and chicken quesadillas. For dessert I had purchased a chocolate pie and saved some strawberry cupcakes from the cake delivery. Jesse and I were full and content from the taco dip (without chips, of course). I always thought I enjoyed baking and cooking because I get to eat it. It turns out I truly just enjoy cooking and feeding people.

I miss having these women in my daily life!

Saturday evening was slower-paced. We spent hours on the deck eating watermelon and roasting marshmallows over our fire pit.

Jackson's marshmallow roasting strategy was to either dangle a stick five feet from the fire or to place the marshmallow directly in the center of the fire. He proudly came waving his flaming marshmallow to James and I. I swear, the boy can unintentionally turn anything into a weapon.

Sunday morning the girls and I went to church while the boys worked in the yard. A tree had fallen on our fence a few weeks ago. Jesse chopped it up for more firewood.

I had invited Jesse's family over for dinner on Sunday evening. Jesse cooked a pork butt all day and collard greens. I boiled corn on the cob and stewed apples.

The weather was gorgeous. Jackson and his cousin ran around the yard, chased one another with sticks, and climbed the fence. With my sister-in-law expecting another boy, we're going to have four boys under five soon. It's a good thing we've got a big fence. ;)

We enjoyed the unofficial welcome of summer by eating more watermelon, 

and making s'mores. Jesse and I didn't eat any, of course. I still struggle with the idea that I'm refraining from grains and refined sugar because there are no health benefits, yet I'm feeding those foods to my children. Yet, there is something about roasting marshmallows over a fire and sandwiching it between chocolate and graham crackers that seems critical to childhood.

Amelia and PaPa enjoyed their s'mores, too. (Baby s'mores=graham crackers)

We're excited about meeting our new nephew in the fall.

James wasn't feeling well. I think this picture was the only time he smiled all evening.

Monday was a nice balance of lazy and productive. Jesse took James to the doctor first thing after a night of screaming. It turns out he just has a cold and is teething. We rarely took Jackson to the doctor when he was a baby, but I've become paranoid after completely missing the double ear infections a few months ago. We've taken all three babies to a separate sick visit this week. FYI, at 10.5 months old they weighed the following (with clothes):
James-19 lbs, 1 oz
Amelia-18 lbs, 13 oz
Maddie-15 lbs, 5 oz

I contemplated going to a nearby zoo park since Jesse had the day off, but Jesse wanted to stay home (surprise). I'm glad he did because I really enjoyed time to unwind after having company over. Jesse and I tackled the overwhelming task of updating the babies' wardrobe. Almost all of the bins were full of clothing that was too small or too hot. We had bins of footed pajamas and 3-6 month clothing. It took a few hours to sift through clothes and replace the bins with 12 month, summer clothing. The trio look so big now wearing clothes that actually fit.

I started and finished another book, The Bungalow by Sarah Jio, this weekend. This is the same author as The Violets of March. My problem with reading quickly is I cannot savor books. I won't sleep because I want to finish the book immediately. And even though I get completely engrossed in the book, by the following week all of the beloved characters are jumbled together and the details have faded.

Only three more weeks until school is out for the summer, aka, Jesse is home!

Belly Laugh: Charotte Mommies

When Jackson was born, I found myself feeling isolated and inadequate as a new mother.  I stayed home for four months before returning to work. During that time, I reached out to a local online group of mothers.  I posted occasionally but was never brave enough to attend any of the events.

Fast forward two years and three more kids later.

Earlier this fall when the reality of being a stay at home mother hit, I rejoined the online community of local mothers (Charlotte Mommies).  Once I gained confidence in going out with the kids, I began to participate in events.  Just in the last month I have met mothers for:

• Coffee meet and greet every Thursday
• GNO at the movies (August: Osage County)
• play date at the park
• play date at the rec center
• hosted a baby play date at my house
• GNO: book club

Initially, every get together was like an awkward blind date.  We would message one another to say where would be sitting or what we would be wearing.  I was worried that the women would be catty or exclusive, especially among those that already knew one another.  I've been relieved to experience no such thing. I think we all get along so well because all of us are mothers to young children who feel the need to connect with other moms.  We all took a chance on one another and we have all been the new mom at some point.  I guess that's what makes us all so welcoming.  I can't tell you how refreshing it is that there are no cliques. 

This past Sunday we met up for book club at a fellow mom's house. We ended up staying just over four hours.  It was ridiculous in the best way possible (and there wasn't even any alcohol).  I laughed so hard I cried many times and my belly ached. By the end of the evening it had evolved from a book club to a game night, complete with prancercising.  Amidst the laughter, there were serious moments spent discussing the novel, sharing genuine challenges with raising our kids, and seeking advice on mother-in-laws.

Many of the triplet moms I've befriended through my Facebook group complain that they've lost themselves and no longer recognize themselves.  I, too, have struggled over the months embracing my changing role and losing my career.  However, I have gained so much more than I've lost.  The most surprising gain has been fellowship and support through Charlotte Mommies.