My First Baby Love

Jackson will always be my first baby love.

July 2011

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I couldn't fall asleep last night and ended up being really groggy this morning.  Jackson awoke early and asked me to fix him breakfast.  As soon as I toasted his waffle and gave him milk, I turned the TV on and went back upstairs to bed.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and he was tugging on the comforter saying, "Mommy!  Get up!  See. It's not dark out.  Get up!  You want to snuggle with me downstairs?"  I desperately wanted to roll over and ignore him, but I was overcome with guilt and begrudgingly got up. 

It's a daily battle to resist following in my own mother's footsteps.  I have regular internal conflicts on how to transform my frustrations into teachable moments.  Being a stay at home mother has forced me to reflect a lot on my parenting. I yell a lot less than I did a few months ago.  It's led to so much more enjoyment these days, being able to nurture Jackson and the babies. 

Jackson is three weeks shy of turning three years old.  I've been going through pictures from the past year so I can begin working on his yearly collage.  It's been a year of enormous changes for our sweet Jackson Lee.  I came across this post that I wrote the day before James, Amelia, and Madeline were born.  I remember so vividly sobbing hysterically, mourning the fact that Jackson would no longer be my baby boy. 

Sparklers for Fourth of July 2013

Jackson has been full of surprises over the past year. He challenges me multiple times a day (though I assume every mother could say the same about their toddler).  Jackson has matured into an incredibly thoughtful, inquisitive boy.  Here are some examples:

Several weeks ago I misplaced my engagement ring.  I've searched high and low, moved furniture around, emptied the trash and recycling bins out, and checked every crevice.  Jackson helped me look for it but we have yet to find it.  Fast forward to last week.  Jackson was so excited when I picked him up from preschool.  He was just beaming ear to ear when he exclaimed, "I got a surprise just for you!  I got you a ring from the treasure box."  He then pulled out this ring from his pocket and placed it on my finger.  His teacher was watching to see my reaction, then stepped in to confirm that he specifically told her he needed a ring for his mommy.  Melt my heart!

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Jackson is such a good big brother.  Though he know no boundaries, he is very good natured and helpful with the babies.  Quite honestly, he has more than enough reason to be resentful or jealous.  I cannot tell you how many times we are stopped by strangers who "ooh" and "aah" over the babies while completely ignoring Jackson.  Instead of getting upset, he just ignores them or stays close to me.  I frequently catch Jackson "reading", singing, and patting the babies.  He does his best to soothe them when they are upset.  He tries to feed them and brings me diapers and burp cloths as needed. I am so proud of what a helper and role model he has become.

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I'm so happy at how easy going and grateful Jackson can be.  More often than not, he shows genuine appreciation for things and says, "Oh, thank you!".  The simplest things--eating a doughnut outside, going down a slide with his hands up in the air, or jumping over pretend alligators in the hallway--bring pure joy to this sweet boy.

Jackson is so affectionate towards Jesse and I.  He always wants to cuddle, sit on our laps, and give "tight hugs"or fish kisses. His clinginess is often a cause of irritation, but I must remind myself that he won't cling to me forever.

I pray daily for God to grant me patience and wisdom, to be a good example for my children, and to not take for granted the gift I have to spend each day with my babies.