Family of Three

I wanted to savor today, to linger in this final day as a family of three.  I wanted the day to be perfect and joyful to celebrate our only child before he becomes the oldest of four. 

 

Instead...

 

Jackson was on my last nerves, Jesse yelled at me for being "too uptight", and then I finally let my nerves get the best of me and broke down and cried.  I haven't stopped since. 

 

How do you open your heart to invite love for more children?  Right now I don't want to.  Jackson won't even remember life before his siblings, and this makes me sad.  I know he'll grow to love them and Jesse and I will soon forget what life was like before we were a family of six.  But today, I want to stay a family of three.

 

I know the trio will make our family complete, but I just want to freeze time.  I want to be able to give every second of my time and energy to my boys.  I don't want Jackson to have to share his mother's love, and quite honestly, I don't want to share my time with anyone else.