This Too Shall Pass

This morning was the first day where I genuinely thought, "I don't know if I can do this by myself."  I even contemplated calling someone, but I just kept telling myself that it would pass. 

After having family over for dinner last night and having a late night with Jackson, I woke up to two baskets of laundry to fold and put away, pocket diapers to stuff, clean dishes to unload, and dirty dishes in the sink.  I don't mind clutter, but I get very anxious when things start to pile up downstairs.

Jackson got some kind of stomach bug yesterday and it continued through the morning.  He barely slept, which meant I barely slept.  I knew school was out of the question once he started sobbing and moaning, "I don't feeeeeel good.  My tummy hurts."  He then proceeded to get sick.  A few hours later he came downstairs fully dressed and said, "I ready for school."  When I explained that he wouldn't be able to go to school, he cried and yelled at me. 

In addition to overwhelming amounts of housework and a sick Jackson, James was fighting sleep something terrible.  I have zero tolerance, compassion, empathy, or patience when babies fight sleep.  I don't get it.  It frustrates me to no end that they won't just give in already.  It gives me a headache to hear screaming and crying.  (Katie, I was ironically trying to read "She's Gonna Blow!")

All of this was before 10 a.m.

Despite a hellish morning, we were able to have a calm afternoon.  James eventually took a two hour nap.  Jackson's nasty diapers tapered off.  Clean dishes and laundry were put away.  We even managed to be silly, dance, and giggle.  The babies are so much fun babbling and grabbing one another, and Jackson is such a proud big brother.

Ten Life Lessons

FYI, this is my 500th blog post!  Crazy!

Here are some things I've learned in the past week:

1. Home Owner's Association has way too much power.  Jesse received an e-mail saying we had two weeks to have the exterior power washed to remove mold and algae build up.  If it is not cleaned within two weeks, we will incur fines of $25 per day.  We have no choice since we signed a legal contract with HOA.

2. Those awesome Glad OvenWare dishes can resist heat of 450 degrees.  However, they will completely melt under the broiler.  We almost had a plastic pot pie for dinner.

3. Moving fragile ornaments to the top of the tree does not keep them out of reach from a persistent toddler.  Jackson pushes chairs around to climb up and play with the ornaments.  We've got quite the pile of broken Hallmark ornaments accumulating. 

4. The measurements of the frame of a stroller don't necessarily include the width with the wheels attached.  The Foundations Quad LX stroller is a beast and it doesn't fit through standard doorways.

5. Just because a formula is hypoallergenic does not mean it will taste good.  Maddie refuses to drink the Similac Alimentum, even if it is mixed with breastmilk.  Thankfully, she doesn't mind 4 oz of breastmilk fortified with one scoop of Enfamil Gentlease. 

6. Don't let your demented husband be in charge of hiding the family Elf or this might happen:

7. Cats are loyal and they will stick around FOREVER.  Even after evicting the cats, removing their litter boxes, and refusing to feed them, they still wait by our doorstep all day.  We can't get rid of them.

8. When you let your toddler sleep in the bed with you once, it can quickly become a habit.  Gone are the days of reading stories and tucking Jackson in his bed.  He regularly falls asleep in "our bed". 

9. Instant grits and quick cook grits are not the same thing.  After three failed attempts, I gave up on the cheaper canister of quick cook grits.

10. It's hard to enjoy a girl's night out when you're staring at the clock making sure you're home before the next feed.  Nothing ruins a cute outfit more than leaking boobs. 

With This Ring

I stopped wearing my engagement and wedding ring when I was 34 weeks pregnant...with Jackson.  Nearly three years and four kids later, I've genuinely missed wearing my rings.  I was hoping for a quick, inexpensive resizing for our anniversary in October.  After taking the rings to a jeweler, I was given an estimated cost of close to $1,000.  The high cost was due to repairing a crack in the band, adding platinum to size it up, and replacing the prongs.

A month later, Jesse took my rings to a local jeweler to have completely new settings.  We downgraded from platinum to white gold so that we could break even in cost.

My engagement ring is my mother's diamond.  When Jesse asked my mother for my hand in marriage, she gave him her engagement ring.  He reset the diamond in a platinum band with 12 small diamonds.  When Jesse proposed to me, before even saying yes I asked, "Is that mom's diamond?"  My parents were an amazing example of a loving marriage, so having the same ring that my father proposed to my mother with was incredibly meaningful. 

I just got my new rings yesterday.  I keep watching the light reflect off of it and staring at it just like I did the day Jesse proposed.  I love that both the wedding and engagement ring have sparkle. 

Now I can only pray that Jesse and I will be blessed with 27 (or more) happy years together like my parents, and the diamond can be passed down to one of our children. 

Four (Almost Five) Month Well-Check

We FINALLY had an appointment with a pediatrician!  I can't tell you what a weight off my chest this is!  After exhausting all our resources with pediatricians in our county, Jesse found a children's clinic in the neighboring county that accepts new Medicaid patients.  We filled out the paperwork on Tuesday, made the appointment on Wednesday, and went to the doctor this morning.  When calling to make the appointment, I kept repeating, "Now our insurance cards do not have you listed as the Primary Care Physician.  Are you sure that's okay?"  The receptionist asked for the phone number listed on our cards, put me on hold, and called them directly while I was on the phone.  She clicked back over two minutes later and said, "They gave us authorization to treat.  You're good to go."  Seriously???  Why the hell couldn't our former pediatrician have done that three months ago?  This whole thing has been a disaster, but praise God that we have proper medical care for our children once again.  Here are the stats:

	Weight	Height	Head Circumference
James	13 lbs 5 oz	25.75 in	16.3 in
Amelia	12 lbs	24.75 in	15.4 in
Madeline	9 lbs	23.75 in	15.2 in

I really appreciated the fact that the doctor made it feel like three separate appointments.  She treated each baby individually and reminded me not to compare the three.  She had read their files beforehand and was familiar with their brief history.  Here's a quick recap: 

James-no concerns, all is well.  We were given Vitamin D drops to give all three babies since they are breastfed. 

Amelia-I mentioned I was worried about her diaper rash and possible flat head.  The doctor told us that Amelia did have a mild flat head, but there was no asymmetry and it was not pronounced enough to require a helmet.  As far as the diaper rash, she just told us to use the lowest dose steroid cream when needed, but that her skin was likely just sensitive.

Maddie-Our obvious concerns were weight gain and reflux.  It has been nearly three weeks since Maddie has taken her Prevacid because the previous doctor would not refill her prescription without an appointment.  Our new doctor called in a prescription and we've already been able to give Maddie a dose this evening.  We were given samples of Similac Alimentum to supplement with that should be easy for Maddie to digest.  She is supposed to drink breastmilk as usual, but then we are to offer 1-2 oz of Alimentum after each feeding.  We go back in two weeks for a weight check.  If Maddie has not gained "adequate weight" despite medication and supplementing, she will be referred to a GI doctor. 

I also expressed concern that Maddie wasn't lifting her upper body during tummy time.  The doctor said she was delayed but exhibited great tone and neck control so she wasn't concerned at this point.

She also wrote a prescription for creams for Maddie's eczema, gave us prescription shampoo samples for stubborn cradle cap, and checked her heart murmur. 

The appointment was long and thorough.  Thank God Jesse accompanied me.  He kept Jackson occupied by walking around with him and playing in the lobby.  After 90 minutes, James was over it.  Mind you, this was before shots!

I had been concerned about delayed vaccination schedule.  The babies aged out of the Rotovirus, which I'm indifferent to anyway.  They had DTaP, Hib, and PCV vaccines.  They will have vaccines at 6 months and again at 9 months, and then be caught up.  Thanks to an efficient nurse, we had quite the assembly line going.

I think that's everything.  Now we just need prayers that Maddie gains weight and James and Amelia continue to thrive.  Hooray for healthy children.

Thanksgiving Feast: Mean Girls Edition

Jack's preschool had a Thanksgiving Feast scheduled for last Tuesday, but their power was out and school was cancelled.  I was so excited about it because Jesse was going to go with us.  It was rescheduled for today and proved to be a rather bizarre experience. 

For starters, I should mention that if a teacher is unavailable to escort Jackson into the building each morning, I ask a mom to hang out by the van for a few minutes while I walk Jackson to his class.  This past Tuesday, I left the van doors open and asked a random mom to stay by the van while I ran Jack into the school.  When I got back two minutes later, she was sitting in my van crying.  She just kept saying what beautiful children I had and how blessed I was.  The same mom approached me today to see if I needed any help.  I said no.  She then said, "I bet you always say no just to be polite.  I'll help anyway."  Clearly she does not know me in the slightest.  I hate help and if I say no, I mean no!  She proceeded to watch me take James and Amelia out and put their carseats in the double-snap-n-go.  She then asked if she could carry Maddie's carseat for me.  I told her I always wear Maddie when I'm by myself.  She watched me put the Ergo on and place Maddie inside.  Then she said, "I guess you really didn't need my help after all."  Of course I wasn't angry at her genuinely kind gesture, but it was unusual.

Once inside the gymnasium, I somehow became a part of real world Mean Girls.  I strolled by a table and asked the ladies if the seats were taken.  They deliberately looked up at me, ignored me, then returned to their conversation.  I said, "I guess so" and walked around to another table.  As I passed by, one of the ladies said, "That's the triplet mom.  Can you imagine?  I would just die."

I didn't bother asking and just sat down at the next table that had two available seats.  (Mind you, I'm maneuvering the double stroller around a crowded gym.  I clearly don't blend in with other moms.) The ladies nodded at me but did not include me in their conversation.  No big deal.  I wasn't there to make small talk.  All of a sudden one of the moms said, "Oh you know what?  We forgot to save seats for our kids.  I guess the last person who sat down is going to have to move." Then they all turned and looked at me.  Seriously, when did I become a leper?

The table I ended up at was with this strange woman who didn't speak and brought her own lunchbox to the Thanksgiving Feast.  I'm pretty sure it was the outcast table.  The classes started walking in and the children lined up in front of the tables to sing two songs.  The pastor introduced them and the music began playing.  I quickly asked a teacher, "Where are the two's?"  She realized the two year old class was missing, whispered to the pastor, and stalled the performance.  It's a pretty small preschool; how do you not notice an entire class is missing? 

Jackson was adorable.  He was one of the only kids in his class that followed along and actually did the motions with the songs.  Here's a snippet of their performance: 

As soon as the kids finished, they all chaotically ran to their parents.  It was so disorganized and Jackson looked a bit flustered because he didn't immediately see me.  The meal itself was confusing because some tables were served by teachers but at other tables, people had to get their own food and drinks.  Our "feast" included chicken nuggets, applesauce, canned carrots, and stuffing.  (FYI, the parents were required to bring the items.  We brought 100 chicken nuggets.) 

Again, there was no structure or program.  Once kids finished eating, many of them just ran around the gymnasium.  As in literally, ran, collided, wrestled, etc.  Of course, Jackson was only interested in getting a cookie.  I was only interested in calming an overly-tired Amelia.  I don't know if there was anything else planned or not, but we left soon after eating.

Despite the catty women and disorganization, the smile on Jackson's face was beyond worth seeing. 

Grottiness All Around

I'm not sure how much more I can take!

Over Thanksgiving I developed mastitis.  I literally stayed in bed for 18 hours.  I woke up on the floor drenched in sweat with no recollection of how I got there.  It was equivalent to the flu.

I now have what a lactation consultant believes to be thrush.  I'll spare too many details, but it involves fiery, itchy, bleeding nipples that cause cursing and screaming every time I pump. 

Jesse woke up yesterday with a stomach virus, but still went to school.  Fever, vomiting, and diarrhea must wear a man out because he was passed out before 8 p.m.

Jackson's most recent discovery is that he can use nail clippers to punch prescription pills out of those aluminum packets.  Jesse accidentally ended up gagging Jack to get the Lipitor out of his mouth.  Nothing like cleaning up vomit as part of our bedtime routine.

We are back to frequent wardrobe changes for myself and Maddie thanks to the pediatrician refusing to refill the Prevacid.  Our poor girl has returned to a never ending fountain of projectile vomit. While she appears to visibly be in pain after she eats, she is at least able to smile and still be her sweet self throughout the day.

Amelia alternates between blistering diaper rashes and clear skin.  Her nose has been chronically stopped up but she cries hysterically anytime you try to clean it.

And then there is James.  With the exception of some minor congestion, he's in perfect shape.

Prayers that the kids can stay healthy and germ free! 

Why It's Not Easier

I don't know how many people told me, "Just get through the newborn phase; then it gets easier."  I loved the newborn phase.  I exceeded my own expectations and life was more than manageable.  We had great routines, lots of help, and an overall peace of mind.

Four months old?  Not so much.  It feels like everything has gotten so much harder over the past few months.  Here's why:
These things are very specific to our family and not general to having three 4.5 month olds. 

Schedules-All three babies were so synchronized.  You could have set a clock to their schedule.  Now the alert time has significantly increased, but their schedules don't always correlate.  James needs a longer morning nap, whereas Amelia takes a longer afternoon nap.  Maddie cat naps all day with alert times in between more frequent feedings.  The last two weeks have been a real struggle finding a schedule that works for all three and keeps me sane.

Feeding-I miss the days where 6-9 oz of breastmilk was enough for an entire feeding for all three.  I had an oversupply, but now that the babies are eating 32 oz each, I am having a harder time meeting their needs.  It's also more difficult to find time to pump.

Sleeping-Even though I woke up more frequently at night to feed, I slept significantly more during the first few weeks.  Our whole family took naps every single day together.  Now, it's a rare treat when all three babies take a long nap at the same time.  And Jackson almost never naps anymore.  I'm lucky if he has "quiet time" upstairs for an hour. 

Cooking-We had hot, home cooked meals delivered at least three days a week for the first six weeks. There were always enough for leftovers, so I literally cooked dinner twice in six weeks.  Adding menu planning and cooking dinner is just one more thing I have to find time to do.

School-I love being able to take Jackson to preschool, but it's not the grand solution I thought it would be.  Getting everyone dressed, fed, and out the door on time continues to be stressful.  I feel like I'm sprinting against the clock.  I then try to cram all errands (aka waiting in line at doctor's offices or DSS) into a short window of time.  Most Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't even eat lunch until after 1:30.

Diapers-I hesitate to include this because I love cloth diapering.  However, it's undeniable that my laundry loads have increased significantly after using all the disposable diapers we received.

Cleaning-The babies slept so much in the early weeks that I always had time to sweep, mop, and do dishes and laundry each day.  That's no longer the case. 

Healthcare-When the babies were newborns, we took them to the pediatrician for well checks and weight checks and had prescriptions called in.  No big deal.  Now that the whole Medicaid issues have snowballed, we don't even have a pediatrician.  Maddie has been out of Prevacid for two weeks now and we just found out today (from the pharmacist, not the pediatrician) that they won't refill it "because we haven't been in since August".  Everything to do with medical treatment has been a huge stress these past few months.

I still wouldn't say raising triplets and a toddler is hard or unmanageable, but there seems to be a lot more challenges than there used to be.  In isolation, nothing is particularly difficult.  It's the combination of making sure dinner is ready, bottles are always full of freshly pumped milk, Jackson is dropped off and picked up on time, the house is clean, the babies are entertained, etc that make it exhausting.