Me Before You

I stumbled upon this title while reading a thread on a local mom forum titled, "What book could you not put down recently?" I read the summary of every single book listed and requested several titles from the library. 

Me Before You was absolutely a book I could not put down. The story is mostly written from the point of view of Louisa Clark, a 26 year old who lives with her financially struggling family. When she is let go from her job, she eventually accepts a job as caretaker for Will Traynor, a former CEO and adventure seeker, who becomes a quadriplegic after being hit by a motorcycle.

The characters are so well developed and there are many layers to the book. This is no Nicholas Sparks book. Will and Lou's relationship is complex, even painful to witness at times. A deep level of trust and intimacy evolves between the characters despite uncomfortable tension.

One of the more interesting aspects of the novel is the change in point of views. While the majority of the story is told from Lou's perspective, there are multiple chapters throughout the book that are written from supporting character's point of view. I found myself empathizing with each character and these snippets into their lives helped me better connect everyone together. 

I consider the turning point in Will and Lou's relationship to be when Lou had a panic attack in the maze. The author made the characters so raw and vulnerable. I have reread those pages over and over and continue to feel Will's frustration when he cannot scoop her up into his arms and comfort her in the way he yearns to. Yet the transforming power is in his words rather than his physical actions. 

The lack of physical contact makes his dialogue that much more meaningful. And the small touches that Lou provides heightens the intimacy the two share. One of my favorite quotes that showcased Will's frustrations was: 

"And I don't want to look at you every day, to see you naked or to watch you wandering around the annex in your crazy dresses and not...not be able to do what I want with you. Oh, Clark, if you had any idea what I want to do with you right now. And I...I can't live with that knowledge. I can't. It's not who I am. I can't be the kind of many who just...accepts. 

Without giving too much away, there is a major ethical dilemma on what makes a life worth living, or worth ending. I looked up Dignitas, which is referenced in the book, and was shocked and fascinated about their services. I guess I can understand the desire to die in dignity rather than prolonging further suffering. Again, I don't want to spoil anything, but the discussions are extremely thought-provoking.

I tried to begin another book on my list, but my mind keeps returning to Me Before You. I suspect this one will stay with me for a while.

Making Room for Changes

Jesse did a bit of rearranging last week to provide better space for our new hobbies. The first major change was clearing the office to create more floor space for our home gym. By gym, I mean weights and an exercise bike, with lots of room to move around. Jesse follows P90X videos daily and I have started T25. Those intense workout programs require adequate space.

Jesse also took down Maddie's pack-n-play that had been in the corner of our bedroom for the past year. Though Maddie has been sleeping in the nursery for a month now, I still liked having it there just in case she needed to come back. The pack-n-play is now in the attic.

Both Jesse and I have spent most of our recreational time reading. He moved the oversized chair and ottoman that was formerly in the office into the corner of our bedroom.

The comfy spot is between the windows and a dresser with a lamp.  We have nice reading light no matter what time of day it is.

In case you're wondering, this was my reading list last month. Clearly my preference is realistic fiction. I returned my library books and have put a dozen more on hold. Happy reading!

Memorial Day Weekend

Most of the events of Saturday blurred together. Amelia and I unintentionally tried to starve to death by spending two hours at Urgent Care to confirm an ear infection, taking an hour to deliver a cake, and waiting for yet another hour in race traffic and getting Amelia's prescription filled at WalMart. Thankfully Jesse cleaned the house while we were gone because we were expecting company just 15 minutes after I came home.

A few former coworkers and 3 month old came over for an overdue visit. I think the kids were a bit jealous curious of this baby intruder on their Daddy's lap.

I made taco dip and chicken quesadillas. For dessert I had purchased a chocolate pie and saved some strawberry cupcakes from the cake delivery. Jesse and I were full and content from the taco dip (without chips, of course). I always thought I enjoyed baking and cooking because I get to eat it. It turns out I truly just enjoy cooking and feeding people.

I miss having these women in my daily life!

Saturday evening was slower-paced. We spent hours on the deck eating watermelon and roasting marshmallows over our fire pit.

Jackson's marshmallow roasting strategy was to either dangle a stick five feet from the fire or to place the marshmallow directly in the center of the fire. He proudly came waving his flaming marshmallow to James and I. I swear, the boy can unintentionally turn anything into a weapon.

Sunday morning the girls and I went to church while the boys worked in the yard. A tree had fallen on our fence a few weeks ago. Jesse chopped it up for more firewood.

I had invited Jesse's family over for dinner on Sunday evening. Jesse cooked a pork butt all day and collard greens. I boiled corn on the cob and stewed apples.

The weather was gorgeous. Jackson and his cousin ran around the yard, chased one another with sticks, and climbed the fence. With my sister-in-law expecting another boy, we're going to have four boys under five soon. It's a good thing we've got a big fence. ;)

We enjoyed the unofficial welcome of summer by eating more watermelon, 

and making s'mores. Jesse and I didn't eat any, of course. I still struggle with the idea that I'm refraining from grains and refined sugar because there are no health benefits, yet I'm feeding those foods to my children. Yet, there is something about roasting marshmallows over a fire and sandwiching it between chocolate and graham crackers that seems critical to childhood.

Amelia and PaPa enjoyed their s'mores, too. (Baby s'mores=graham crackers)

We're excited about meeting our new nephew in the fall.

James wasn't feeling well. I think this picture was the only time he smiled all evening.

Monday was a nice balance of lazy and productive. Jesse took James to the doctor first thing after a night of screaming. It turns out he just has a cold and is teething. We rarely took Jackson to the doctor when he was a baby, but I've become paranoid after completely missing the double ear infections a few months ago. We've taken all three babies to a separate sick visit this week. FYI, at 10.5 months old they weighed the following (with clothes):
James-19 lbs, 1 oz
Amelia-18 lbs, 13 oz
Maddie-15 lbs, 5 oz

I contemplated going to a nearby zoo park since Jesse had the day off, but Jesse wanted to stay home (surprise). I'm glad he did because I really enjoyed time to unwind after having company over. Jesse and I tackled the overwhelming task of updating the babies' wardrobe. Almost all of the bins were full of clothing that was too small or too hot. We had bins of footed pajamas and 3-6 month clothing. It took a few hours to sift through clothes and replace the bins with 12 month, summer clothing. The trio look so big now wearing clothes that actually fit.

I started and finished another book, The Bungalow by Sarah Jio, this weekend. This is the same author as The Violets of March. My problem with reading quickly is I cannot savor books. I won't sleep because I want to finish the book immediately. And even though I get completely engrossed in the book, by the following week all of the beloved characters are jumbled together and the details have faded.

Only three more weeks until school is out for the summer, aka, Jesse is home!

Hot, Sick, and Bored

This is the second day in a row with scorching temperatures. Heat and I do not get along. 90° isn't exactly ideal for babies, either. The only good thing about hot weather is it takes very little time to dry clothes on the line. I managed to do four loads of laundry yesterday.

Jackson's last day of preschool was on Tuesday. (Technically, it was today but I wasn't going to sit with three babies and a toddler just so we could watch the four-year-olds graduate.) They had a water day. Jack was very serious about wearing his bathing suit and bringing a towel.

The babies have been a mess this week. Amelia randomly projectile vomited (A LOT) on Sunday. It took her three days to recover her energy. Maddie was up screaming every hour for two consecutive nights. I took her to the pediatrician to check for an ear infection. There was nothing visibly wrong. Still, physical therapy was a waste this week.

The next day, James had a 101.4 temp (with Tylenol) and cried unless he was being held. It's been quite a juggling act with the trio this week.

The only outing we've been on all week (besides the doctor) was to the library and to take Jackson for a haircut. The hairdresser was clearly not a fan of cutting children's hair. Jack did pretty well, but he always jerks and laughs when they get the clippers out to trim around his neck and ears. The hairdresser knelt down in his face and said, "You see this? It can hurt you. If you keep moving I'm going to cut you and make you bleed."  Eeek!

Our spirits lifted when we walked out and saw a firetruck parked in the parking lot. (Sidenote: Why are Great Clips always beside grocery stores?) Jackson confidently gave me a tour around the firetruck. I was amused that Jackson was the same size as the wheel.

I've made everyone go outside from 8-10 for some fresh air before morning naps. (Elizabeth, who do I sound like?) I was rocking Amelia on the deck and glanced up to see Jackson sweetly sitting like this:

Clifford, Toddler's Best Friend

The babies are challenging outdoors. James inevitably tries to eat grass or go down the stairs. When Maddie gets upset she'll bang her head down. Amelia is too curious for her own good. I love and hate this stage at the same time.

Thankfully, Jackson has been pretty easy to entertain. He spent an hour cleaning and vacuuming out the van for me.

He's also been really into play-doh this week. I only let him play while the babies are napping because it makes such a mess and Amelia and James put everything in their mouth. I'm still working on getting over my OCD tendencies about mixing colors.

In case you're wondering, Jack and I both broke out into "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"

I read The Violets of March over the past two days. I've never considered myself a reader, but now that I'm a stay at home mom I love getting lost in books. Reading and NPR are the only things keeping my brain from rotting.

I know this isn't an especially interesting update, but that's what our life has been like the past few days. 

Commentary on The Husband's Secret

I attended my first book club last month, and was a bit embarrassed to discover that I was the only person who had flagged pages and jotted down notes. I devoted 18 months of my graduate school completing my thesis on literature circles. For my first adult book club, I followed everything I had taught my students to do. Apparently, most adult book clubs are more laid back than the book clubs that took place in my classroom.

Nonetheless, I returned to my beloved post-it flags for the novel this month.

I enjoyed reading this novel so much that I completed all 400 pages in three days. It reminded me of Love Actually because it had several story lines that overlapped. The characters' connections to one another were slowly revealed and there were multiple flashbacks, which kept things interesting.

I also appreciated the epilogue. I require proper closure with books/movies. Whether I agree with the resolution is irrelevant; it's the fact that there is a decisive ending.

While reading the novel, there were so many passages where I thought "That's exactly how I feel" or "Hmm, I wonder if that's true". Here are some examples:

Describing Cecelia, the overachieving main character (p.12)
"...it seemed to perpetuate itself, so that her life was extraordinarily well organized, as if motherhood were a sport and she were a top athlete. It was like she was thinking, How far can I go with this? How much more can I fit in my life without losing control?"

• I loved this analogy. It's almost as if I take pleasure in pushing the boundaries on being a stable mom. Where else can I take them? What other craft or recipe can we make together? Can we do one more thing before somebody has a meltdown? How much more can I squeeze into the day without feeling like I've been hit by a truck?

Describing how Will could have kept a secret from his wife, Tess (p. 55)
"Family life, even with one little boy, had its own familiar rhythms, and it was perfectly possible to keep right on dancing like you always have, even where your mind is somewhere else."

• There is such monotony in married life with children. I hope I would notice if something/someone else was the center of Jesse's focus, but maybe not. Were Tess and Will completely out of sync with one another, or were they both so good at going through the motions that they fooled one another?

Describing Rachel's intense grief and anxiety over her deceased daughter (p.60)
"A steel vise wrapped around her chest and squeezed so she felt like she was suffocating and she gasped for air, but beneath her panic she could hear the weary, calm voice of experience: You've been here before. It won't kill you. It feels like you can't breathe, but you actually are breathing, It feels like you'll never stop crying, but you actually will."

• As someone who has suffered from panic attacks for over a decade, this passage describes my personal experiences with a startling accuracy. It's truly as if I'm suffocating but there's a slight voice of reason that assures me I'm okay. That voice of reason is harder to hear as the panic attacks escalate in intensity.

Cecilia read her husband's letter which revealed his secret. The following day, a very distraught Cecelia makes small talk with her mother-in-law, who says (p. 214):
"I don't need to tell you this, do I? You're a mother. You'd do anything for your children, just like I'd do anything for mine."

•  Without spoiling major elements of the novel, the fact that the mother said this is very disturbing. It seems like an innocent enough statement that every mother would agree with. But, I'd like to think that the way she protected her child is something I would never do. Does this notion that you would do anything for your child have restrictions? Or is it completely black and white? What would I have done if I was the man's mother and knew of his secret?

Tess' thoughts as flirtations escalated with another man (p. 223)
"She had forgotten this: the way your senses exploded and your pulse raced, as if you were properly awake after a long sleep. She had forgotten the thrill, the desire, the melting sensation. It just wasn't possible after ten years of marriage. Everyone knew that. It was part of the deal. She'd accepted the deal. It had never been a problem. She hadn't even known she missed it. If she ever thought about it, it felt childish, silly--"sparks flying"--whatever, who cares, she had a child to care for, a business to run. But, my God, she's forgotten the power of it. How nothing else felt important. [...] Tess was busy with mundane married life."

• I have vivid memories of flying to Italy and being so completely consumed with desire for Jesse. I walked the streets of Rome, sipped wine in Tuscany, ate pizza in Naples. But most of my memories of that trip were thoughts of Jesse, who had just lost his grandfather and was thousands of miles away. Our relationship was new and exciting, past the awkward first dates, but still fresh where saying "I love you" sent chills down my spine. I had just decided that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with. That was nearly ten years ago, and while I have even greater love for him as the father of my children, that excitement will never be recreated.

Rachel was thinking about her relationship with her daughter-in-law, Lauren. (p. 311)
"She always pretended to herself that she didn't let Lauren help because she was trying to be the perfect mother-in-law, but really, when you didn't let a woman help, it was a way of keeping her at a distance, of letting her know that she wasn't family, of saying, I don't like you enough to let you into my kitchen."

• The only kitchens I walk around freely in are my sisters.  And when I have a get-together at my house, it is expected that my sisters and mother-in-law will help. Am I subconsciously keeping other people at a distance by not letting them help? Or even worse, am I doing so consciously?

Tess' thoughts after talking to her husband about his feelings for Felicity (p. 361)
"When you were young, you talked about falling in love with such amusing gravity, as if it were an actual, recordable event, when what was it really? Chemicals. Hormones. A trick of the mind. She could have fallen in love with Connor. Easily. Falling in love was easy. Anyone could fall. It was holding on that was tricky."

• I have never thought about this before. I used to think you only had one soul mate in your life. But if that were true, how could widows happily remarry? The more I think about it, the more I wonder about the ease of falling in love. Falling in love with Jesse was easy, natural, and impossible to stop. Maintaining a happy marriage is much more challenging, even to the point of exhaustion at times.

There were many more passages I flagged, but they would have revealed integral parts of the plot. If you haven't read it, it was a very easy, interesting read with plenty of talking points. Bring it on, book club!

Vernal Equinox

Thankfully the weather cooperated and we were able to spend the first day of spring outside.  After days of cold rain and a series of misfortunate events, I was relieved that the sun was shining and nothing went wrong today.  Here's how we spent our day in the sun:

I read outside while the babies fed themselves,

and Jackson enjoyed his popsicle.

Tummy time was spent in the garage.

Maddie was my cuddle buddy while I read some more.

The trio cruised around the park in their wagon,

which proved to be too much fun for James.



Mr. Daredevil went down the slides head first while I chatted with Mommy friends.




He exhausted himself to the point where streaking became necessary.
HA!  Jackson had a snack and water at the park. 
For whatever reason, he took his shirt off as soon as he got in the van.

Happy Spring!