I can't figure out if this is a symptom of adulthood, anxiety, or simply having so many young children at once. Perhaps my time management skills need improvement. It's not that I'm particularly stressed or upset. (Though this whole finding a job thing is certainly adding to my stress levels!) In general, I enjoy my days and appreciate spending time with the kids. Our good moments far outweigh our bad moments.
The problem is that it takes so much energy just to maintain things. I can't remember the last time I felt caught up. When I was teaching (aka before triplets), I would get a little flustered every quarter with conferences, grading, and report cards. Then I would feel so relieved when those things had passed and I was all caught up. I haven't had that sense of relief or feeling like I don't have to do anything in years. There is a constant stream of laundry, dishes, trash, recycling, diaper changes, cleaning the van, photo editing, blogging, job applications, Zumba, church meetings, birthday parties, etc. Our calendar stays full. Staying home makes things worse because the kids get bored, fight, and make an even bigger mess. I could stop attending church meetings or the gym, but those things give me purpose and community outside of motherhood. I won't stop blogging because the kids change so quickly and I want to preserve as many memories as possible while they're young and I have the time.
Back when Jesse and I were dating, in moments of silence I would often ask Jesse, "What are you thinking about?" He would always say, "nothing", which would drive me crazy. I've always been detail oriented and over analyze everything. I'm constantly thinking of a dozen different things at a time. In fact, my internet browser currently has 14 tabs open. There's just so much mental clutter.
My goal is to get caught up on blogging by the weekend. Blogging has felt like another chore on my to-do list lately, but it's something I value and want to continue.
Here are the posts I currently have in draft mode:
- Crazy Toddler Moments: Picture This
- Frank Liske Photo Fun
- Mornings with the Trio
- Kitten Saga
- Productive Wednesday
- Jackson's 5 Year Well Check
- Earth Day Festival
- Girls' First Haircuts
- April Birthdays
- Jackson's Playdates
- Aviation Museum
- Triplets Take Over McDowell
It might not be much, but I always feel better when I'm up to date on blogging. Prepare yourself for several days worth of double posts.