The Happiest Baby on the Block--Thursday, May 12

I guess the lack of sleep is catching up with me, because we didn't start our day until 9:45!  I just refused to finish sleeping at our usual 8 a.m. time.  We dressed, ate, and Jackson enjoyed his usual morning swing time.

I decided it was finally time to brave Wal Mart with Jackson.  We only needed gravy mix and doughnuts (breakfast night!) so I thought it would be a good trial run.  I of course waited until he had finished nursing and I had a chance to change his diaper.  I packed the diaper bag just in case, though I didn't anticipate being out long enough to need it.  Once we got there I put him in the Ergo and walked around.  I found other things to buy, including Lansinoh nursing pads, which are WAY cheaper at Wal Mart than they are at Babies-R-Us. 

While I was already out, I drove across the street to Books-a-Million.  Jackson slept peacefully snuggled up beside my chest in the Ergo.  After reading so many great reviews, I was on a mission to get The Happiest Baby on the Block.  I saw Baby Wise, which is a very controversial book that outlines a structured schedule dictated by the parent and not the child.  I went ahead and purchased both books.  There was a lady parked beside me at Books-a-Million who was eating her lunch in her car.  She saw me go in the mall and she was finishing her lunch when I returned to the car.  She came out and said, "Wow!  You've got this mom-on-the-go thing down pat."  Such a silly comment, but I was just beaming!

It was nearly 3 p.m. when we got back home.  I read about 30 pages in The Happiest Baby on the Block, folded laundry, and fed and changed Jackson while Jesse napped.  The book is intended for babies with colic, which Jackson hasn't indicated any real signs of colic thus far.  I wanted to read it anyway because everyone just raves about the various techniques to calm a baby in minutes.  The book outlines specific ways to soothe a fussy baby with the 5 S's:

1. Swaddle

2. Side/Stomach position

3. Shushing (white noise)

4. Swinging

5. Sucking

I'm excited to read more and try the techniques tonight.  For now dinner and bath time awaits...

1 Month Check--Wednesday, May 11

Quick stats from Jackson's 1 moth check up today:
Height-23 1/4 inches, 94th percentile
Weight-11 lb, 1 oz 80th percentile
Head-15 1/4 inches, 60th percentile

The doctor asked standard questions about his eating, sleeping, lifting his head, response to noise, following with eyes, etc.  He said to be on the look out for Jackson rolling over since he is so alert and active.  We go back next month for weight/measurement checks and immunizations.

In retrospect, I am totally impressed with how smoothly everything went this morning.  I didn't over analyze anything, which is rare.  I just quickly tossed things in the diaper bag, put Jackson in the carseat, and drove off.  (Our first appointment we spent 30 minutes getting ready before we even left the house.)  There were no issues with the taking the carseat out, waiting in the office, undressing or changing him, etc.  I think this was the first time I felt confident about going out.  My next big test is taking him to school this Friday.

We had a rough night last night full of constant eating and not sleeping.  Jackson and I both took an hour nap when we got home.  Jesse is cooking dinner tonight and it's my turn to go to choir rehearsal.  (We decided to alternate who gets to sing each week.)  So excited to participate in pre-pregnancy activities and get out of the house by myself for a few hours!


Our favorite naptime position



Thoughts on Being a Career Mom--Tuesday, May 10

I've been thinking a lot about my students as the End of Grade tests are quickly approaching next week.  I want to be at school so badly to go over those last minute reviews with my kids and instill the confidence in them that they will succeed.  My mother-in-law asked me on Sunday how my first week alone with Jackson was and I said it was okay but I would like to be able to work.  Then this morning I was reading a post on BabyCenter about mothers of newborns wanting to go back to work.  I copied some of their responses because I thought the women beautifully articulated exactly what I think and feel:

"I feel like there is more to me than being a mom and when I deny myself all parts of myself than I am not as happy and I feel like something is missing." 

"I know that in my case, I work at a profession that I'm very good at; I can anticipate and control most of what happens in my day.  On the other hand, life with a newborn makes just about everybody feel out of control.  You can't control when your newborn eats, sleeps, or poops, and you often can't tell what LO needs (especially during those fussy times when she doesn't seem to want anything except to cry)."

"I think for me it was just that work was something familiar that I knew how to do!  Being a FTM, having a baby around the house was all new, and I was not nearly as confident about being a mom as I was about work.  The more I bonded with my DS, the more confident about being a Mom I became!"

I feel good about my decision to go back to work next year, though I'm sure it will be difficult to do so in August.  I love that I live in a time period where it is acceptable for me to work and for my husband to stay home.  I also love that I am able to have this opportunity to bond with my son and grow in confidence as a mother.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I literally watched TV and curled up with Jackson all day until Jesse came home.  Of course there were lots of diaper changes and feedings in between, but absolutely nothing else.  We were very content!  Jackson has been smiling so much today.  I know it's still early for real smiles, but he definitely smiles when I talk to him.

I was really impressed that I was able to pump 7 oz at one session in only 10 minutes.  I've never pumped anywhere close to that amount, so that is really exciting.  Unfortunately, the 4 oz bottle we had prepared for Jackson wasn't enough to satisfy him so I know his appetite is increasing.  I am curious to see how much Jackson weighs at his 1 month check up tomorrow.

Even more evidence to indicate how large my baby is growing-he can fit in several 3 month outfits.  I know some brands run smaller, but he is definitely outgrowing newborn clothing and even some 0-3 month clothes are tight.  We put him in these adorable 3 month pajamas after bath time tonight.  Now off to bed...

   

A Productive Day--Monday, May 9

Last night I broke down and slept in the guest bed with Jackson.  I so do not want to become one of those couples who sleep in different beds, but I can't sleep in my bed.  The SnuggleNest was great for a month but he is so squirmy and long that he can kick and pivot himself until he is completely sideways.  I end up just putting him beside me in bed and giving myself about six inches to sleep while I hang off of the bed.  I don't really see the point in having him sleep in the crib or bassinet when I would have to physically get out of bed and pick him up to nurse every 2-4 hours.  I decided to just take him to the guest bed where we both had plenty of space.  All three of us slept great.

Today has been a very relaxed, productive day.  I had this seemingly never ending list of tasks that I had been putting off, including sending birth announcements and thank you cards, filling out Jackson's insurance paperwork for the hospital, scheduling well check-up doctor appointments, responding to dozens of work e-mails, etc.  Of course these things were in addition to the mundane tasks of washing dishes, laundry, and cleaning.  None of the chores were particularly time consuming or difficult, but it feels great to cross those things off my list.

It is fascinating for me to watch Jackson's development.  He is really good at following voices and objects with his eyes.  He's also more aware of his hands and is beginning to grasp things.  I got really excited when I saw him grabbing for one of the toys on his bouncer today.  I put his fingers around the ring and he started to pull himself up.  (Obviously he wasn't strong enough to lift his whole body, but he definitely had a strong grip and lifted his head, neck, and shoulder.)

Jesse spoiled me this evening by cooking dinner and watching Jackson for 20 minutes while I went to get my eyebrows waxed.  I could care less about my clothes, hair, or nails, but I hate when my eyebrows are not groomed.  We are now leisurely sitting on the couch watching TV.  What a life...  : D

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of this Mother's Day--Sunday, May 8

I'll go in reverse order so I can end on a sweet note...

THE UGLY

I seriously debated whether or not to post this, but I've said all along I am proud of how a woman's body can totally transform to create a child.  While I have lost almost all of my pregnancy weight and can wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes, I will obviously not be flaunting my new body in a bikini.  It is so hard to feel even remotely attractive when your hips have widened, your belly button suddenly became a sinkhole, and you can actually feel the valleys on your stomach created by stretchmarks.

THE BAD

This is the last photo I took with my mother, just three weeks before her death.  My wedding was a beautiful event.  It was a day when I could finally connect with my mother as one wife to another.  I had always looked forward to being able to one day bond with her as one mother to another.  I woke up this morning ANGRY.  Angry that my mother can never hold my baby.  Angry that I can never call my mom to ask for advice.  Angry that I should be elated on my first Mother's Day, and yet I simply cannot compose myself or keep the tears back.  

THE GOOD

This little guy has turned everything I knew upside down, and yet I cannot comprehend life without him.  I wake up next to him each morning and just stare at him in awe.  I love watching his dramatic movements, hearing the various sounds he makes, and looking into those beautiful eyes.  I have felt every emotion imaginable since he entered this world.  I am willing to do anything to keep him safe and happy. I truly feel blessed and undeserving to have such a gorgeous, content child.  It is so fulfilling to be a part of this family. 

Happy Mother's Day...

4 Weeks Old--Saturday, May 7

I am so much more relaxed when I'm not the only one in the house taking care of Jackson.  Even though Jesse was outside doing yardwork, showering, and going to the grocery store, it was still comforting to know I could easily get a hold of him or run outside.

We had a really nice day that began with sleeping in until 9 a.m.  Our church was having a community wide yardsale with live music and lunch.  I wanted to leave around 11 but Jackson wanted to eat.  Then I needed to pump and change his diaper, which put us behind half an hour.  (This is why I am scared to make an appointment somewhere because his eating isn't really on "schedule" and I just don't know how to manage my time around him.)  Anyway, we had a great time socializing with church friends, browsing through remaining yard sale items, listening to music, and eating.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous, but pretty warm, so we kept Jackson in the jogging stroller. 


Enjoying hot dog lunch under the shade

My colleague came by to visit and bring us a Kentucky Derby Pie.  As a Kentucky native, is it her tradition to bake this pie during Derby weekend.  For the past three years I've enjoyed a slice of her homemade pie so I was pleasantly surprised when she brought us one!  I was proud of myself for successfully using my nursing cover with company without thinking or feeling awkward.
We were going to go out to eat at a Mexican restaurant since I had been craving it from Cinco de Mayo.  I was proud of myself though by suggesting we eat leftovers to save money since we're going out of town next weekend.  We all curled up on the couch and watched a movie before getting ready for bed.

Random update on the cats:  Mr. Nibbles is no longer shy around Jackson.  He is very gentle and does not claw or hiss (unlike Cowbell), but he could potentially smother him!

 

Hormones Again?--Friday, May 6

I should start off by saying Jackson and I slept a grand total of 3 hours last night, which were not consecutive of course.  He is so loud.  I think it's adorable during the day and incredibly frustrating at night.  He's been doing so well with nights, but the past two nights he just fights sleep.  It was by far my worst night.  I felt completely irrational and out of control.  I was genuinely angry at Jackson that he wouldn't latch right away and that he wouldn't fall asleep.  I was patient most of the night, but by 4 a.m. I had only slept an hour and I was so exhausted.  I was surprised and upset with how angry I was and how much I didn't want to be a mom last night.  Or at least I wanted Jesse to take care of him so I could sleep.

We are celebrating my niece's 4th birthday this evening and it somehow became my job to make a pink and purple butterfly cake for her.  If there's one thing I've learned in the past month, it's that there is almost a guarantee that I will be interrupted at least 5 times in even the most simple task.  I could never watch a movie or TV show with my sister because she paused it so many times to tend to her kids that I lost interest in the show by the time we resumed watching.  Now I totally understand!!  I wanted to get an early start on this cake since I had no clue what I was planning on doing.  Jackson and I were at Harris Teeter by 9 a.m. buying eggs, then A.C. Moore to get pink and purple sugar.  He was awake and happy the whole trip.

Once we got back, I fed Jackson and watched some morning talk show.  They had all these clips of celebrities talking about their moms.  I don't know why exactly, but I totally lost it...ugly tears, hyperventilating, the whole works.  I am  just mad at the universe that Mom didn't get to meet Jackson.  She got to see my other four brothers and sisters have children, but not me.  And Mom stayed at home with all of us so I would have loved to ask her questions and advice.  I am blessed to have amazing sisters, but it is not quite the same.  You would think I would be happy to celebrate Mother's Day this year since I actually am a mother now, but I'm just bitter and disappointed that I can't share it with my mother and child.

I found a Betty Crocker demo video online that made this butterfly cake look super easy, but it was impossible to frost because you cut the cake into pieces and the crumbs just fall apart.  Things just started to cascade downhill.  After lots of cursing, flour and powdered sugar all over my clothes, and purple dye on the counter, I was able to semi-successfully make the butterfly cake and cookies.  I thought it would be more fun for the kids to decorate their own cookies so I bought some cheap icing and left the cookies plain.

Jesse got home at 4 p.m. and we needed to leave by 5 o'clock.  In that hour I wrapped the birthday present, pumped and prepared a bottle, packed the diaper bag, started the blog, loaded the dishwasher, covered the cake and cookies, fed Jackson, and folded and put away all of Jackson's clothes, towels, and burp cloths.  As expected, we collided with rush hour traffic and it took over an hour to drive to my brother's house.  We enjoyed passing around the nieces and nephews, eating, and celebrating.  My family was amused at Jesse's quick thinking to keep the milk cool.  I don't even know where we got that koozie from, but it worked:

I do have to share one final story from the day.  I was asking both of my sister's how long it took for their skin to tighten back up or if my skin would permanently sag.  They both informed me that it would likely never be the same as before pregnancy, but it should continue to tighten for the next month or two.  They also assured me it doesn't get any worse with subsequent pregnancies (unless I had twins) and my skin was already stretched as much as it ever would.  My sister-in-law came by and my sister asked her about tightening back up.  My SIL proceeded to elaborate on and on about how her husband (our brother) never complained but she told me to make sure I do my kagels.  Ummm...no one was talking about that part of the body, but thanks!  Though we are all close, we don't tend to discuss sex, especially involving our brother!  We died laughing at the misunderstanding. 

Yet another day full of random sobbing, anger, love, laughter, and awe.  How much longer, hormones?