Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of this Mother's Day--Sunday, May 8

I'll go in reverse order so I can end on a sweet note...


I seriously debated whether or not to post this, but I've said all along I am proud of how a woman's body can totally transform to create a child.  While I have lost almost all of my pregnancy weight and can wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes, I will obviously not be flaunting my new body in a bikini.  It is so hard to feel even remotely attractive when your hips have widened, your belly button suddenly became a sinkhole, and you can actually feel the valleys on your stomach created by stretchmarks.


This is the last photo I took with my mother, just three weeks before her death.  My wedding was a beautiful event.  It was a day when I could finally connect with my mother as one wife to another.  I had always looked forward to being able to one day bond with her as one mother to another.  I woke up this morning ANGRY.  Angry that my mother can never hold my baby.  Angry that I can never call my mom to ask for advice.  Angry that I should be elated on my first Mother's Day, and yet I simply cannot compose myself or keep the tears back.  

This little guy has turned everything I knew upside down, and yet I cannot comprehend life without him.  I wake up next to him each morning and just stare at him in awe.  I love watching his dramatic movements, hearing the various sounds he makes, and looking into those beautiful eyes.  I have felt every emotion imaginable since he entered this world.  I am willing to do anything to keep him safe and happy. I truly feel blessed and undeserving to have such a gorgeous, content child.  It is so fulfilling to be a part of this family. 

Happy Mother's Day...

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