Friday, June 8, 2012

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

I should have relaxed and enjoyed my students graduation ceremony on Thursday.  However, I had some serious anxiety over giving a speech.  (I talk in front of people constantly!)  I was sweating, swaying, and sick to my stomach the entire time.  My anxiety has shown its ugly face a lot this week.

I would have had a long night of sleep after being drained from hundreds of people (5th graders, parents, and staff) on Thursday.  I was sleeping hard until Jesse started throwing up in the bed at 2:30 in the morning!  If you know me well, you know I completely freak out with the smell, sight, or sound of vomit.  After we changed the sheets I spent the rest of the night wide awake downstairs.  I went to check on him every hour because I was paranoid he was going to choke and die.  I was at Wal Mart around 5:30 a.m. 

I would have enjoyed my Chick-Fil-A lunch purchased by my teammate had I not been so nauseous from the previous incident.  Seriously, what sober man throws up while sleeping??  He seemed to feel great and slept peacefully afterwards, while I'm still reliving the whole thing. Irrational, I know, but I have been this way my whole life.

I could have congratulated my amazing colleague when she announced her pregnancy at the end of  school, but I was too bitter and jealous to say one word.  Smiling was hard enough. 

I should have joined my teammates for a celebratory shot at 3:30 p.m. on the last day of school.  This is a favorite tradition among my teacher friends.  Unfortunately, three of my students missed the bus because they were crying and hugging all their teachers.  Guess who took them home?

I would be excited about my final Saturday field trip with my students if I didn't have such mom guilt about having Jackson's MiMi watch him.  We're taking 30 students to swim in an Olympic size pool and go to lunch from 12-4.  This cuts right into Jack's nap time and he has no floatation device.  As much as I want to take him and hate choosing my students over my child, I think it would be too much for him. 

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