Dear James, Amelia, and MadelineWhen I found out I was pregnant with three babies, I felt every emotion possible: fear, excitement, anticipation, wonder. Each passing week that I was pregnant with you was another blessing full of good health. In the weeks leading up to your delivery, I continued to feel an array of emotions, wondering if you would be healthy enough to go home with us and how much longer my body could physically support your growing bodies.
|the day before delivery|
The night before my c-section, I stayed awake crying, terrified of change and unknown. I didn’t know how I could open my heart to accept any more love than I already had for your brother. The morning of the c-section, my nerves were focused on my own surgery and recovery, in addition to your well-being.
Uncle Jason and Aunt Chrissy took your brother on the day of delivery. Your Daddy and I had to be at the hospital at 11 a.m. We walked to a L&D room and nurses immediately began prepping me for an IV, drawing blood, shaving, and completing consent forms. Your Aunt Katie and MeMe arrived later to check on us, followed by MiMi and PaPa. Already before you were born, your family was waiting with love and anticipation for you.
|About to go back to the OR|
Around 1:15 p.m. the nurses brought us back to the recovery room where we awaited to enter the operating room. Leaving your Daddy to walk to the OR was one of the scariest feelings I’ve ever had. The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. He asked me to curl my back around in a ball, which was very hard with three babies! He rubbed my back with what felt like wet sandpaper for what felt like eternity. He then injected a numbing agent, which felt much more intense than just a “bee sting”. Quickly, my bottom felt incredibly warm and panic set in. I didn’t know what was happening to my body and I felt extremely out of control. I was laid down on the gurney and given oxygen and a variety of medications. The combination of lying completely flat on my back along with the medications made me instantly dizzy and nauseous. The bright lights, glistening surgical tools, and commotion of people all became too much. I closed my eyes and began shaking my head back and forth uttering “I don’t like this. This doesn’t feel right.” The catheter was inserted and initial cuts were made. Unfortunately, this is the part of your story where the details get fuzzy.
At some point, your Daddy walked in, though I only remember hearing his voice since I kept my eyes closed. James was born at 1:47, Amelia at 1:48, and Madeline at 1:49. The nurses showed each of you to us before taking you out to be checked by the NICU team. Daddy was able to hold James and Amelia, though Madeline was having difficulty breathing. (I later checked your medical notes, Maddie. You had pink mucus in your lungs and were in respiratory distress for 6 minutes. I was very worried about you during this time and kept asking for you.)
|Mommy holding James for the first time!|
|Daddy and Maddie in the recovery room|
Once you were cleared by the NICU teams, you were bathed, dried, and swaddled. Daddy wheeled your bassinet to the recovery room while Dr. Horne stapled me back up. The nurses applied the dressing over the incision and lifted me onto another bed. At this time I was rolled to the recovery room and reunited with Daddy and each of you. Immediately I was able to nurse two of you at a time. Despite feeling very lethargic, I vividly recall feeling a sense of pride and adoration. All of my fears of not being able to equally love you instantly dissolved away. You were my beautiful babies and I knew in that moment my heart would always be yours.
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James Presley-6 lbs, 12 oz, 20.5 inches long
Amelia Caroline-6 lbs, 2 oz, 20 inches long
Madeline Lucinda-5 lbs, 9 oz, 18 inches long