With a break in the freezing temperatures, we enjoyed brief periods of time outside.
It's tempting to make this yet another happy little park post but the only thing that sticks out in my mind was a conversation with an older woman at the park. A very sweet, patient, nurturing grandmother was playing with her granddaughter, who was probably around 3 years old. I was pushing Jackson and James on the swing and Maddie and Amelia were playing with her granddaughter under a slide. It was hard to see but I kept crouching down to check on them. The little girl wanted to swing so the lady escorted her grandchild to the swing and kindly said to me, "Your girls are just over there." Without batting an eye I replied, "I know it may not look like it but I actually am watching my kids and know where they are." She immediately assured me that's not what she was implying.
All afternoon I kept replaying my comment. I knew good and well that she was just being kind, yet I totally snapped at her. I wasn't in a bad mood. Nothing was wrong. I wish I could rewind and say to her, "Thank you for keeping an eye on them." but that would imply that I needed help. I hate being so stubborn and defensive. The slightest possibility that anyone could even perceive that I'm not looking after my children makes me turn into a crazy person. Of course, the truth is it's impossible to really watch all four kids in a park setting. It's so hard to accept the fact that I can't be the mother I want to be when I'm pulled in different directions all day every day. And somehow all that translated into me being a complete bitch to a caring grandma.
I'd love to end on some kind of nice note, but sometimes I'm just not a nice person.