I have been quite contemplative today. Jesse is at work and Jackson is not feeling well. He slept on my chest for over two hours after church today. Here are some of the realizations I have made today after our monthly church potluck:
1. I will always be better at baking than cooking. I whipped up a three layer cake with chocolate buttercream frosting just as easy as could be. When it came time to make mac-n-cheese, however, I managed to brown the butter and scald the milk before even adding any cheese. (The sad part is that this was a box mix!) It turned out less than mediocre, but the cake was delicious.
3. I have completely let myself go with food...again. I won't even list all of my indulgences at lunch, but some of them included pot pie, corn pudding, brunswick stew, pumpkin cheesecake, banana pudding, and cake. I used to laugh when one of my favorite Weight Watchers leaders said she was a "repeat offender". Unfortunately, it's not such a funny reality. I get mad at myself for eating so much. I have no excuse. I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding anymore, and yet I'm eating more now than when I was. I don't care enough to do anything about it. I know myself well enough to know that when I truly want to change, I will. I just worry how much more it will take before I care enough to control my diet.
4. Jesse and I will be the most important influences on Jackson's faith--definitely in his early years and likely in his later years as well. It is a daunting, but exciting task to serve as role models for him. Our congregation was honoring an older gentleman with the title of "elder emeritus" today (basically a Lifetime Achievement Award in the church). Though they are not members of our church, the older man's children and grandchildren attended the service and lunch today. A dozen or more people spoke on what generous contributions of time and talent the man had given over the years. While I have frequently reflected on what God would think of my actions, today was the first time I thought about what Jackson would think. In fifty years, will Jackson be able to speak with pride of the contributions Jesse and I have made to the church and community?