It's Not Easy

I get told multiple times a week by strangers, friends, and family members, "You make it look easy".  While I know this is a compliment, I want to make it abundantly clear that staying home to raise 3 month old triplets and a 2 year old is far from easy.

It's not easy giving each child undivided attention.  Jackson gets jealous.  Babies cry.  Maddie spits up.  My boobs beg to be pumped.  The oven timer beeps.  The washing machine goes off.  There's constant interruptions throughout my day. 

It's not easy waking up to an alarm in the middle of the night to go pump.  It's especially hard to get up when your children and husband are sleeping peacefully.  It's hard to wake up, but even harder to fall back asleep. 

It's not easy eating enough to maintain a hearty milk supply while knowing you're at your heaviest weight.  Of course, I can't blame my weekly staple of a gallon of ice cream on milk supply.  But I'm well aware of the negative impact dieting has on milk production. 

It's not easy dealing with toddler tantrums amidst all the other chaos.  Since bringing the trio home, I can only recall two days where Jackson hasn't gone to time out at least once.  I'm so, so tired of the hair pulling, throwing, and hitting.  It's mentally and physically draining.

It's not easy to maintain a clean home.  Dirty laundry (especially cloth diapers), dishes, trash, and toys pile up constantly.  There's a very small window of time where all four children are sleeping and I can clean without neglecting anyone.  I literally find myself sweating and breathless by the time I've cleaned the house and begun dinner.  I just barely have enough time to pump before someone wakes up and demands my attention.

It's not easy to find new activities to engage and teach Jackson.  Just getting out of the house each day is a task within itself, let alone finding new places to visit, recipes and crafts to make, stories to read, etc.

It's not easy to define myself beyond the role as mother.  I struggle to find a few minutes to myself where I can do something I enjoy.  Blogging and baking are two of my favorite hobbies, but those cannot be completed without distractions.

It's not easy to preserve a passionate marriage.  In fact, it's damn near impossible when Jesse makes poor choices that could have a ripple effect on our family.  Intimacy is challenging.  Alone time is minimal.  Stress increases. 

With that said, our daily routines are very  manageable and generally enjoyable.  Knowing that these babies are (hopefully) my last makes me want to relish in each moment.  I've surprised myself with how grateful I am for the amazing opportunity to witness each new milestone and development.