When the trio turned one, all of my energy was consumed on creating DIY tutus, cakes, photo displays, banners and on and on and on. I didn't stop to really, truly reflect on how I had changed as a mother or how our family had changed.
When I think back to what I was doing exactly 18 months ago, it feels like it might as well be a decade ago. I distinctly remember sitting on the couch, typing this post. I was crying big, ugly, loud tears. Tears for the unknown and for the drastic changes our family was about to face. I think Jesse had the same fears.
In some aspects, I haven't changed at all in the past year and a half. I have the same basic beliefs, sense of humor, love of baking and blogging, work history, house, and so on.
More often than not I feel like I'm a completely different person.
I feel so far disconnected from the classroom and I could not care less.
I never expected to be a stay at home mom, much less enjoy it.
For the first time in my life, I read for pleasure.
I have a completely new group of friends that I socialize with.
The biggest, and most unexpected difference in my life is how much I love all four children. The days leading up to delivery with the trio are so vivid. All I thought was, "how can I ever love them as much as Jackson?" I loved each of the kids from the moment I saw them on the ultrasound screen. But now, I don't just love them as my children. I love them as individual people with different personalities and interests.
My heart somehow grew to include immeasurable love for all four kids. I don't know how it happened, but it did. Every mother of more than one child told me I would be able to love them each with the same intensity. Thank God they were right!